Well, in Georgia, I guess they do it differently. It seems as though some people think it's a fraud to change your sex. At least the two losing opponents of a city council race think so. Michelle Bruce is in the run-off race for a city council seat, but the election is being challenged by the two council members who lost saying Bruce committed a fraud by running as a woman instead of a man. Bruce is publicly out as transgendered, identifies as a women and has all her ID as a woman.
Can't these people get it through their heads that a person's identity is between their ears and not between their legs? When will the public at large begin to understand this. This is a petty case of sore losers, trading on a misconception, and flaming bigotry and hate. I hope the judge is smarter than they are.
http://www.news4jax.com/news4georgia/14647186/detail.html
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Day of Rememberance
Today is the Transgender Day of Rememberance.
Today we look back and remember all those who have been killed or have died simply because they were gender variant, or didn't fit into society's rigid definitions of what gender they should have been.
Gender is truly a fluid, continuous plain of expression and reality. One can find themselves anywhere on that plain. Gender is not fixed. One can find oneself moving about on that plain. But society decrees there be only two genders, Male and Female.
I live my life mostly around the female node, but with a fair helping of androgyny as well. I'm not the super-feminine type of transgender person you see. I never wear dresses, rarely wear make-up, etc. Most of the time I'm in a t-shirt and leggings. I get "sir"d infrequently, but it's usually by people who don't really look at me and just take me in in a glance. This doesn't bother me. When they actually see me, they correct themselves. but 90% of the time, I'm seen as female. This also doesn't bother me. In about 0.01% of cases do people recognize me as trans. This also doesn't bother me, and it serves as a springboard for education and sharing. So far, my experience with being out to people has all been good.
This, however, is an anomaly. It is because I have chosen to inhabit trans-friendly areas and keep to trans-friendly spaces and generally surround myself with people who are evolved and high-minded.
I still remember a time when I was visiting Ala(forking)bama, and was clocked by a cop in a Burger King. I was waiting outside for my friend to come pick me up and he came out and rousted me. He was concerned because I was "hanging out near a playground" -- the old canard about trans people being paedophiliacs. He had trouble getting my license processed because the records were still on hold at the California DMV (this was just after I had changed my name with them). I gave him my social, and he ran that and finally was satisfied that I had no jacket and eventually stopped harassing me.
I consider myself one of the very lucky few transgender people who has successfully transitioned without a lot of problems, stress, or loss. I'm gainfully employed in my chosen profession, still have loving relationships with family, have established new friendships, have had relationships, and generally been navigating my way through life.
So today is about the people who didn't make it. Gwen Araujo. Ruby. Countless others who've been unable to deal with their gender dysphoria and committed suicide. Remember them. They were your sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends, colleagues, peers.
Please, light a candle today for them.
Today we look back and remember all those who have been killed or have died simply because they were gender variant, or didn't fit into society's rigid definitions of what gender they should have been.
Gender is truly a fluid, continuous plain of expression and reality. One can find themselves anywhere on that plain. Gender is not fixed. One can find oneself moving about on that plain. But society decrees there be only two genders, Male and Female.
I live my life mostly around the female node, but with a fair helping of androgyny as well. I'm not the super-feminine type of transgender person you see. I never wear dresses, rarely wear make-up, etc. Most of the time I'm in a t-shirt and leggings. I get "sir"d infrequently, but it's usually by people who don't really look at me and just take me in in a glance. This doesn't bother me. When they actually see me, they correct themselves. but 90% of the time, I'm seen as female. This also doesn't bother me. In about 0.01% of cases do people recognize me as trans. This also doesn't bother me, and it serves as a springboard for education and sharing. So far, my experience with being out to people has all been good.
This, however, is an anomaly. It is because I have chosen to inhabit trans-friendly areas and keep to trans-friendly spaces and generally surround myself with people who are evolved and high-minded.
I still remember a time when I was visiting Ala(forking)bama, and was clocked by a cop in a Burger King. I was waiting outside for my friend to come pick me up and he came out and rousted me. He was concerned because I was "hanging out near a playground" -- the old canard about trans people being paedophiliacs. He had trouble getting my license processed because the records were still on hold at the California DMV (this was just after I had changed my name with them). I gave him my social, and he ran that and finally was satisfied that I had no jacket and eventually stopped harassing me.
I consider myself one of the very lucky few transgender people who has successfully transitioned without a lot of problems, stress, or loss. I'm gainfully employed in my chosen profession, still have loving relationships with family, have established new friendships, have had relationships, and generally been navigating my way through life.
So today is about the people who didn't make it. Gwen Araujo. Ruby. Countless others who've been unable to deal with their gender dysphoria and committed suicide. Remember them. They were your sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends, colleagues, peers.
Please, light a candle today for them.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Staton Fired
Well, they've done it. The City Commision voted 5-2 to officially fire Steve (Susan) Stanton. Good followup report at the Towle Road blog.
I never really thought they would reverse their decision. The council members who voted to fire him originally were sure not to change their minds in just a little bit of time. All the activism to educate people and the Commission was to fall on deaf ears because they were not in a place to listen constructively. They were angry, they felt betrayed, lied to, let down. This is a common reaction. Spouses and significant others transsexuals often have this same reaction. They need the time and space to get over this reaction. For some people, they never get over it. Transphobia runs deep and wide in America, especially the South.
Now it remains to be seen if Stanton will bring a suit against the commission for discrimination. Many are urging him to do so. I haven't heard anything from him saying he has changed his mind about that yet. Many people believe he has a case and he is represented by legal counsel that is pretty substantial in dealing with discrimination cases.
I really feel for Stanton, having this media circus surrounding what is a very personal, transformational and emotional process. I transitioned on the job, in public, but had very good support from my workplace. Thank the powers that be that I live in an area that is more progressive in its thinking and a company that values employees' contributions above their private lives.
I never really thought they would reverse their decision. The council members who voted to fire him originally were sure not to change their minds in just a little bit of time. All the activism to educate people and the Commission was to fall on deaf ears because they were not in a place to listen constructively. They were angry, they felt betrayed, lied to, let down. This is a common reaction. Spouses and significant others transsexuals often have this same reaction. They need the time and space to get over this reaction. For some people, they never get over it. Transphobia runs deep and wide in America, especially the South.
Now it remains to be seen if Stanton will bring a suit against the commission for discrimination. Many are urging him to do so. I haven't heard anything from him saying he has changed his mind about that yet. Many people believe he has a case and he is represented by legal counsel that is pretty substantial in dealing with discrimination cases.
I really feel for Stanton, having this media circus surrounding what is a very personal, transformational and emotional process. I transitioned on the job, in public, but had very good support from my workplace. Thank the powers that be that I live in an area that is more progressive in its thinking and a company that values employees' contributions above their private lives.
MTF TS Marries GG
MILWAUKEE -- A transsexual married a woman Friday morning at the Milwaukee County Courthouse.Barbara Lynn Terrry, 58, was born as a man, Ronald Terry.Terry considers herself a female, but Milwaukee County Circuit Court Judge David Hansher said that according to a doctor he spoke to, Terry is still physically a man.
OK, this one baffles me. Is Terry a pre-op MTF TS? The doctor certified Terry is still a man. I would guess that's so. Does Terry have plans to become a female? I don't know.
However, if Terry is post-operative, this brings up very scary precident, i.e., that a person will not be allowed to change their sex in the realm of marriage. This is ridiculous, of course. And yet one more reason for passing same-sex marriage laws to remove the confusion factor.
An update on the law covering the Stanton dismissal case
Dr. Jillian Todd Weiss has posted an update on her blog about the law in Florida regarding discrimination against transgender workers, especially those employed by government agencies. Good read, but it's not clear-cut that Stanton would win a case against the City Commission. That would depend on whether the court held any bias against transsexuals.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Stop all the Bullshite
Kimberly posts on her blog to Stop all the Bullshite: asking the trans community to support each other.
Things rings true for me, in a lot of ways. I think a lot of us are on our own, we don't support each other, either financially or socially. I think a lot of us are go-it-aloners. I know I am. I find it difficult to keep hearing the same stories from people that bring up my own history of pain and misery. I find it hard to see people struggling and not taking advice from others who have been down the road because each of us must find our own way.
I am scared I may end up like Kimberly, poor, bitter, alone, without support. Employment means everything, it means survival. Yet employment is the number one barrier for transsexuals post-transition. Even with protective laws in place, it is hard to get by the interview. Bias is often hidden from the interviewer's own process.
I used to facilitate a support group at the local LGBT center for Trans Women. I think I did an excellent job of running the group, making it inclusive of all trans people, all perspectives were welcomed, all experiences were valid and shared, people were invited to ask questions, it was a safe space to be new in. But I eventually had to give it up, as it was so draining emotionally for me.
Yet I need to have a place where I can get support. As a facilitator, I am separate from the group to a large extent; I am watching the process of the group, they are embroiled in the content. Where do I share my content? How do I explain my fears about being outed or clocked by someone? Where do I share my desires for a relationship? Where do I find people who understand what it means to be trans? I need my own support group. Maybe I should go back and just be a regular member, though that will be hard.
Things rings true for me, in a lot of ways. I think a lot of us are on our own, we don't support each other, either financially or socially. I think a lot of us are go-it-aloners. I know I am. I find it difficult to keep hearing the same stories from people that bring up my own history of pain and misery. I find it hard to see people struggling and not taking advice from others who have been down the road because each of us must find our own way.
I am scared I may end up like Kimberly, poor, bitter, alone, without support. Employment means everything, it means survival. Yet employment is the number one barrier for transsexuals post-transition. Even with protective laws in place, it is hard to get by the interview. Bias is often hidden from the interviewer's own process.
I used to facilitate a support group at the local LGBT center for Trans Women. I think I did an excellent job of running the group, making it inclusive of all trans people, all perspectives were welcomed, all experiences were valid and shared, people were invited to ask questions, it was a safe space to be new in. But I eventually had to give it up, as it was so draining emotionally for me.
Yet I need to have a place where I can get support. As a facilitator, I am separate from the group to a large extent; I am watching the process of the group, they are embroiled in the content. Where do I share my content? How do I explain my fears about being outed or clocked by someone? Where do I share my desires for a relationship? Where do I find people who understand what it means to be trans? I need my own support group. Maybe I should go back and just be a regular member, though that will be hard.
God’s Grace And The Transsexual Next Door
In the Ex-Gay Watch blog, Autumn Sandeen writes a post describing the use of slurs against transgendered people, relating it to the slur used by Ann Coulter against John Edwards recently. The Ex-Gay leaders came down on Coulter for using that slur as demeaning and insulting to gay people. Autumn broaches the question of what about the slurs in the supposedly affirming Christian ex-gay movement about transsexuals?
Being called by the wrong pronouns, the wrong honourifics, the old name, all these really hurt the post-transition transgendered person. How can it be affirming when words like "tranny" are used to describe us? (I'm not at all clear about the reclaiming of that word, but it is rather demeaning.)
When someone calls me "sir" by mistake, it initially stings. I correct them, and when they look at me more carefully, they do say "OH! excuse me!" So there is a politeness around here that apparently is missing in other places.
Being called by the wrong pronouns, the wrong honourifics, the old name, all these really hurt the post-transition transgendered person. How can it be affirming when words like "tranny" are used to describe us? (I'm not at all clear about the reclaiming of that word, but it is rather demeaning.)
When someone calls me "sir" by mistake, it initially stings. I correct them, and when they look at me more carefully, they do say "OH! excuse me!" So there is a politeness around here that apparently is missing in other places.
Stanton requests a public hearing
Steve(Susan) Stanton, the beleaguered Largo, Florida, city manager who has been dismissed simply for revealing his desire to change his gender, has decided to appeal the dismissal and is calling for a public hearing into the matter. This is good. He has a lot of support, there are plenty of people who think the city commission acted rashly and with a horrid display of bigotry and discrimination. This represents the next step in the process. Let's hope the voices of inclusion, reason, and calm win out over the voices of hatred, fear, and misunderstanding.
Link to GaySouthFlorida blog
Link to GaySouthFlorida blog
UCSF to close TRANS programs
UCSF has had a program in place since 2001 to aid transgender people with basic health care, social and networking needs, employment services, and information about transgender care. This was funded by federal grants from places like the CDC and the National Institute for Drug Abuse. Now the grants are ending and the TRANS programs have nowhere to go. Luckily, some people are taking action to see about getting the city of SF to step up and keep funding the programs. This is an important set of programs for San Francisco, which probably houses the largest population of transgender people in need of such services. I hope they make it happen.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Largo lets Stanton go in blatant round of bigotry and discrimination
Well, the Largo city commission has voted. 5-2 in favor of getting rid of Steve(Susan) Stanton, the city manager who a week ago announced his [Stanton has asked that he be referred to by his male name and male pronouns until he transitions] intention to transition to become a woman. The Mayor stood by him, and did one other commission member, but the rest bolted and ran like fearful little rats, showing that they don't even put their votes where they say they should, as they passed a resolution earlier prohibiting discrimination on the basis of gender identity and gender expression. I don't know where this puts them, but I think Stanton has to bring a suit against them, and he has said he isn't going to do that.
The St. Petersburg Times has been doing good reportage on this issue, very factual, very balanced, without any sensationalism:
There are places you can go to voice your opinion as well. The National Sexuality Resouce Center at San Francisco State is holding a petition that they will send to the Largo commission. There's also a website devoted to helping save Stanton's position: http://www.savestanton.com/.
I think this is by far the most blatant and horrible cases of discrimination ever carried out in public. There is no possible doubt he is being fired because he is a transsexual.
Unfortunately, there are so many other cases of firing of transsexuals that happens on a regular basis that never make it to the national news or at least the national blogosphere like this one has. It is a constant threat to transsexuals everywhere, even in places where they are supposedly protected. There are any number of reasons one can fire someone; it isn't that hard to trump up charges against someone if one finds them objectionable.
When I first approached the coming out process at work, the division manager's reaction was typical. He was dead-set against it and would not allow it. I didn't know what he was going to have me do, and luckily, I never had to find out. Several of his subordinates took him in hand and explained matters to him, and he also spent time researching on his own, and came to the conclusion that it was not a bad thing as he feared, and so I had no trouble with my transition on the job.
Yet, later I was to feel the discrimination, as I lost jobs that I would have gotten before, lost influence that I had before, and was cut off from client interactions that would have let me perform my job. Eventually, my ranking dropped, and as a result, I was laid off when the mandatory layoffs came about. They had a reason: my pay was high, but my performance was low: it said so on the paper. What it didn't say was the lost opportunities to perform my job. Admittedly, at this time, I was dealing with some tremendous emotional problems as well, which I think should have been taken into account, but were not.
Now, I am unemployed again, and I'm afraid that people may "read" something in me that is not quite right. Even if they don't recognize me as transgendered, they may see something they don't quite understand, and that is a big ding in the hiring process. I have to act through that fear to overcome it, and compensate for it; I have to be that much better because of it. And then, there is the problem of what happens when they do find out about my past when they run the background check? Not all companies have gender identity non-discrimination clauses. Even though the state I'm in (California) has a law on the books proclaiming gender identity and expression as protected, it doesn't necessarily translate into action at the practical level. And proving discrimination is so hard because you have to show direct cause or a trend.
So in addition to being depressed because I'm unemployed, I'm scared that I won't find a new job because of the transgender issue.
The St. Petersburg Times has been doing good reportage on this issue, very factual, very balanced, without any sensationalism:
There are places you can go to voice your opinion as well. The National Sexuality Resouce Center at San Francisco State is holding a petition that they will send to the Largo commission. There's also a website devoted to helping save Stanton's position: http://www.savestanton.com/.
I think this is by far the most blatant and horrible cases of discrimination ever carried out in public. There is no possible doubt he is being fired because he is a transsexual.
Unfortunately, there are so many other cases of firing of transsexuals that happens on a regular basis that never make it to the national news or at least the national blogosphere like this one has. It is a constant threat to transsexuals everywhere, even in places where they are supposedly protected. There are any number of reasons one can fire someone; it isn't that hard to trump up charges against someone if one finds them objectionable.
When I first approached the coming out process at work, the division manager's reaction was typical. He was dead-set against it and would not allow it. I didn't know what he was going to have me do, and luckily, I never had to find out. Several of his subordinates took him in hand and explained matters to him, and he also spent time researching on his own, and came to the conclusion that it was not a bad thing as he feared, and so I had no trouble with my transition on the job.
Yet, later I was to feel the discrimination, as I lost jobs that I would have gotten before, lost influence that I had before, and was cut off from client interactions that would have let me perform my job. Eventually, my ranking dropped, and as a result, I was laid off when the mandatory layoffs came about. They had a reason: my pay was high, but my performance was low: it said so on the paper. What it didn't say was the lost opportunities to perform my job. Admittedly, at this time, I was dealing with some tremendous emotional problems as well, which I think should have been taken into account, but were not.
Now, I am unemployed again, and I'm afraid that people may "read" something in me that is not quite right. Even if they don't recognize me as transgendered, they may see something they don't quite understand, and that is a big ding in the hiring process. I have to act through that fear to overcome it, and compensate for it; I have to be that much better because of it. And then, there is the problem of what happens when they do find out about my past when they run the background check? Not all companies have gender identity non-discrimination clauses. Even though the state I'm in (California) has a law on the books proclaiming gender identity and expression as protected, it doesn't necessarily translate into action at the practical level. And proving discrimination is so hard because you have to show direct cause or a trend.
So in addition to being depressed because I'm unemployed, I'm scared that I won't find a new job because of the transgender issue.
Friday, February 23, 2007
a very public outing
Tampa Bay Newspapers : Largo Leader
"Stanton tell employees he’s transgendered in an e-mail
By SUZETTE PORTER
LARGO – City Manager Steve Stanton sent out an e-mail to employees dated Wednesday, Feb. 21, announcing that he is transgendered and intends to become a woman." [Link]
This is a very public outing and a very public transition. It will be interesting to see how the residents and the government of Largo handle this situation.
"Stanton tell employees he’s transgendered in an e-mail
By SUZETTE PORTER
LARGO – City Manager Steve Stanton sent out an e-mail to employees dated Wednesday, Feb. 21, announcing that he is transgendered and intends to become a woman." [Link]
This is a very public outing and a very public transition. It will be interesting to see how the residents and the government of Largo handle this situation.
The Free Methodist Church in Canada...our stories: Introducing people to the God of compassion
Some Christians understand their God's commandments:
The Free Methodist Church in Canada...our stories: Introducing people to the God of compassion
I found this particularly evocative:
No idea if he got the gender pronouns right, but it's his compassion that counts, I think.
A very different experience than I had from my church, which is also a Methodist church. I came out to a couple of the pastors there. When I told the head pastor, he said to me three times that I would have to go elsewhere to transition. It turned out to be true, I was not welcomed back to that church after I transitioned. No one reached out, no one was there for me. All the friends I thought I had supporting me vanished. So much for Christian love, I thought.
I have since become an atheist, not because of that experience, but because of personal growth and understanding. That path led me through different Christian churches, then through Buddhism, and finally, after reading enough science, I just gave up on the supernatural altogether.
But it's good to know that there are people who live by their convictions and still do reach out a helping hand and don't condemn blindly because their leaders tell them to, or their fear blinds them to the fact that we are real, live human beings, just like them. Respect us. Treat us with the dignity you would anyone else. Even love us as your neighbors. We really are not a threat to you and yours.
The Free Methodist Church in Canada...our stories: Introducing people to the God of compassion
I found this particularly evocative:
I met a teenage transsexual living with AIDS who was ostracized by his family, because of sexuality. When I inquired about his support system, who was there for him….he shuffled and stared disconcertedly. His confusion grew when I pressed him further about spiritual care, wondering if he had struggled with the tough questions or thought of seeking out some of his religious leaders for direction. He laughed sarcastically. “I could never talk with them…look at me. I’m a reject (outcast) for them. Trash!” “That’s what they call people like me. I already feel bad enough – why would I go to them to feel worse?” Overwhelmed by his obvious pain, I blurted out: “Trash? No. God does not create trash.” I then began to share with him what I believed about God. “God does not breathe life into trash, but rather into human beings made in His own image, which you are. Life has purpose and meaning. You were created to be loved and to reciprocate that love.” Tears filled the young man’s eyes as he listened to my words about a God who loved him and understood his pain and confusion. His sad expression changed as he suddenly realized what this meant…he was not alone…nor would he die alone and unloved, even though those who had loved him, had walked away.
No idea if he got the gender pronouns right, but it's his compassion that counts, I think.
A very different experience than I had from my church, which is also a Methodist church. I came out to a couple of the pastors there. When I told the head pastor, he said to me three times that I would have to go elsewhere to transition. It turned out to be true, I was not welcomed back to that church after I transitioned. No one reached out, no one was there for me. All the friends I thought I had supporting me vanished. So much for Christian love, I thought.
I have since become an atheist, not because of that experience, but because of personal growth and understanding. That path led me through different Christian churches, then through Buddhism, and finally, after reading enough science, I just gave up on the supernatural altogether.
But it's good to know that there are people who live by their convictions and still do reach out a helping hand and don't condemn blindly because their leaders tell them to, or their fear blinds them to the fact that we are real, live human beings, just like them. Respect us. Treat us with the dignity you would anyone else. Even love us as your neighbors. We really are not a threat to you and yours.
Welcome a New Voice
I'd like to welcome A Wild Elegance to the blog roll. Donna Dawn Konitzer is an MTF prisoner who is also an activist for prisoners with GID to be treated better within prisons in the US. Please read her blog, it is eye-opening. Also consider a pen-pal relationship with one of the prisoners she lists toward the end of her entry (in part III of IV).
Prisoners with GID are a minority within a minority within a minority. Yet, some figures put the rate of incarceration of people with GID (Gender Identity Disorder - the defining mental disorder of transsexuals) at 30%, some as high as 65%, although that seems exceedingly high. But imagine the horrors, if you will, of someone with GID who is mid-transition facing incarceration based upon the shape of their genitals, not their identity or their appearance otherwise. Someone, who to you or I would appear as a female walking down the street may not have had SRS yet, and if they should be so unfortunate as to commit a felony, would be assigned to a male prison population. Harsh, much harsher than they deserve, I think. They are there to put in time, not to be the punching bag and fuck-hole for the other prisoners. They are routinely harassed, called by their male name, male pronouns used, which is psychologically damaging. Just punishment? I think not. Say "they broke the law, they should have known better"? Most of the time, these crimes are of desperation, because people will not hire transsexuals, even in spite of there being laws to prevent discrimination.
I'm not asking anyone to forgive their crimes and mitigate their sentences. But perhaps we can make their prison experiences a little less hellish and maybe more rehabilitative.
Prisoners with GID are a minority within a minority within a minority. Yet, some figures put the rate of incarceration of people with GID (Gender Identity Disorder - the defining mental disorder of transsexuals) at 30%, some as high as 65%, although that seems exceedingly high. But imagine the horrors, if you will, of someone with GID who is mid-transition facing incarceration based upon the shape of their genitals, not their identity or their appearance otherwise. Someone, who to you or I would appear as a female walking down the street may not have had SRS yet, and if they should be so unfortunate as to commit a felony, would be assigned to a male prison population. Harsh, much harsher than they deserve, I think. They are there to put in time, not to be the punching bag and fuck-hole for the other prisoners. They are routinely harassed, called by their male name, male pronouns used, which is psychologically damaging. Just punishment? I think not. Say "they broke the law, they should have known better"? Most of the time, these crimes are of desperation, because people will not hire transsexuals, even in spite of there being laws to prevent discrimination.
I'm not asking anyone to forgive their crimes and mitigate their sentences. But perhaps we can make their prison experiences a little less hellish and maybe more rehabilitative.
Monday, February 19, 2007
On Menstruation and Marriage - a link
Interesting post over on http://neebother.blogspot.com: On Menstruation and Marriage where he takes to task someone over their dislike of being lumped in with transsexuals in Malta, where now it is legal for transsexuals to marry people of their opposite adopted gender.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Trannies aren't real people
We aren't. Just face it.
I was on-line in an IRC channel tonite, one of my regular haunts. We're having polite conversation, a bunch of us, about what I don't recall now. One of the guys suddenly says "/me checks imnotaboy to see if they have a penis of a vagina."
BAM.
Right out there in the open.
I know what many of you are saying: "It's a chatroom, it's not real life." Bullshit. I have never felt so violated in my life.
This is the dread of every ts person out there, I think. I happen to be post-op, but still, to have someone want to check your panties to see what's in there is such a violation. No one would think of doing that to a woman-born woman. It's only the TSs that garner such treatment. "What's down there, anyway?" is a common enough question on people's minds that I hear it enough on blogs and comments.
I am feeling so ill. I don't feel safe. I feel violated in the worst possible way save for rape itself.
And this is someone I thought was my friend. Shows just how friends can act.
Needless to say I won't be going back to that channel for awhile.
I was on-line in an IRC channel tonite, one of my regular haunts. We're having polite conversation, a bunch of us, about what I don't recall now. One of the guys suddenly says "/me checks imnotaboy to see if they have a penis of a vagina."
BAM.
Right out there in the open.
I know what many of you are saying: "It's a chatroom, it's not real life." Bullshit. I have never felt so violated in my life.
This is the dread of every ts person out there, I think. I happen to be post-op, but still, to have someone want to check your panties to see what's in there is such a violation. No one would think of doing that to a woman-born woman. It's only the TSs that garner such treatment. "What's down there, anyway?" is a common enough question on people's minds that I hear it enough on blogs and comments.
I am feeling so ill. I don't feel safe. I feel violated in the worst possible way save for rape itself.
And this is someone I thought was my friend. Shows just how friends can act.
Needless to say I won't be going back to that channel for awhile.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Whose rights are right?
This is a somewhat rambling post.
In the flap over whether pre-op transsexuals get to use women's facilities for changing, there is a clash of rights, it seems. Certainly, women born women can and should expect to have their privacy and be free from men in the intimate atmosphere of a changing facility. At the same time, a pre-op ts woman should be free from being forced into the company of men in order to use the same facility. However, the reality is that most facilities have only two changing areas: one for women and one for men. Where does the pre-op ts woman go to change?
Some of course argue that the pre-op ts woman should be allowed into the women's facility. Yet there is a strong sense of impropriety from the women born women against this; they see a person with a penis in their facility, they feel unsafe. Never mind that they are in much less danger from this penis than they are from the one attached to their boyfriend outside. It is a matter of fear, uncertainty and doubt and causes much complaint from the women born women in the facility when a pre-op ts woman is allowed in.
So, what to do? Does the pre-0p ts woman forgo the use of changing facilities altogether? I know I have done so, instead opting for showing up ready to work out and leaving without showering in the facility, instead going home to shower. This was convenient for me as the facility was located within a few blocks of my home. Later, I joined a women-only club that did not have any changing or showering facilities ("Curves") that was also within 4-5 blocks of my apartment so did not have any sort of issues with revealing what I had between my legs. (By this time, I had had my SRS operation so it wouldn't have been a big deal anyway, but still, the situation applies.)
This also gets into the issue of m2f transgendered people invading women-only spaces where the women-born-women want to exclude those women who were brought up as men. The classic example, of course, is the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, but there are other spaces where this is true. As a ts woman, I do not have the experience of being brought up as a girl and then a woman, so I do not have a shared experience with women-born-women that might be necessary to form a bond with them at such events. I might, in fact, reek of manhood in such events, although I never fully embraced that as I was growing up, either. The subtleties of male priviledge certainly shaped me growing up and in the work force, but being well aware of them and railing against the feeling of maleness and all it's trappings also shaped me growing up and in my adult life. Still, it doesn't make me capable of understanding all that goes into being a woman-born-woman, and that's a special class all to it's own. So, I think it makes sense to leave such a space open for them to share in their uniqueness and specialness. I think we, as ts women, need to create our own space to celebrate our uniqueness and specialness, which is just as valid as theirs, but separate, and whole.
Recently, there was news of a ts woman who lost her fight against a rape center that was exclusively for and of women-born-women. She fought for the right to work there as a rape crisis counselor. Here, again, I can see the point of the center; there is something special about being a woman-born-woman, and what that insight can bring to another woman in a rape situation perhaps. There are other rape crisis counseling opportunities that are open to ts women; this center wasn't the only one. What I find interesting, however, is that the ts woman was confronted about her past after enrolling; apparently, she was not "passing" -- she was coming across as not female. I think if her demeanor was incongruent, she would not really make a very good rape crisis counselor anyway. Perhaps this affair might be a wake-up call to her to examine her behavior rather than merely calling out "unfair to transsexuals."
It's not that I think everyone has to pass perfectly. I don't -- I think some people read me as a former man, but I do think that even when they read me, they see me as a woman now, and I'm gracious enough to accept that they give me the benefit of the doubt. I think it's a matter of being accepting of people's errors in perception and not smacking them down if they make a mistake, but being gracious about it, and ultimately, connecting with their humanity. I smile when I say "I'm not a boy/man" and it comes out nicely.
But would I have the wherewithall to counsel a woman about rape? I'm not sure I would. I walk about without fear -- a legacy of my male past, I am sure. Yet I am a potential victim as any other woman would be. I may be larger than the average woman, but I'm not necessarily stronger. I don't know any self-defensive moves; I've never taken any martial arts classes. But it may be the way I walk without fear that permits me to move in the world without being a potential victim as well; i.e. I'm not a target because I don't look like a target. This is something to discuss with my cisgendered women friends, I think.
The need for women-born-women to have a place where they can congregate and celebrate their femaleness, separate from men and women-born-men I think is an ok thing. I don't think they need include ts women as a matter of course. There are many things ts women can do to celebrate and validate their womanhood/femaleness as well. There are places where women-born-women do include ts women into their ranks.
I'm still learning about the feminist argument against transsexuals, which I'll attempt to discuss in another post. At this juncture, all I can see is that it is based on some misconceptions about brain development and the experiences of m2f ts's growing up as men.
In the flap over whether pre-op transsexuals get to use women's facilities for changing, there is a clash of rights, it seems. Certainly, women born women can and should expect to have their privacy and be free from men in the intimate atmosphere of a changing facility. At the same time, a pre-op ts woman should be free from being forced into the company of men in order to use the same facility. However, the reality is that most facilities have only two changing areas: one for women and one for men. Where does the pre-op ts woman go to change?
Some of course argue that the pre-op ts woman should be allowed into the women's facility. Yet there is a strong sense of impropriety from the women born women against this; they see a person with a penis in their facility, they feel unsafe. Never mind that they are in much less danger from this penis than they are from the one attached to their boyfriend outside. It is a matter of fear, uncertainty and doubt and causes much complaint from the women born women in the facility when a pre-op ts woman is allowed in.
So, what to do? Does the pre-0p ts woman forgo the use of changing facilities altogether? I know I have done so, instead opting for showing up ready to work out and leaving without showering in the facility, instead going home to shower. This was convenient for me as the facility was located within a few blocks of my home. Later, I joined a women-only club that did not have any changing or showering facilities ("Curves") that was also within 4-5 blocks of my apartment so did not have any sort of issues with revealing what I had between my legs. (By this time, I had had my SRS operation so it wouldn't have been a big deal anyway, but still, the situation applies.)
This also gets into the issue of m2f transgendered people invading women-only spaces where the women-born-women want to exclude those women who were brought up as men. The classic example, of course, is the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, but there are other spaces where this is true. As a ts woman, I do not have the experience of being brought up as a girl and then a woman, so I do not have a shared experience with women-born-women that might be necessary to form a bond with them at such events. I might, in fact, reek of manhood in such events, although I never fully embraced that as I was growing up, either. The subtleties of male priviledge certainly shaped me growing up and in the work force, but being well aware of them and railing against the feeling of maleness and all it's trappings also shaped me growing up and in my adult life. Still, it doesn't make me capable of understanding all that goes into being a woman-born-woman, and that's a special class all to it's own. So, I think it makes sense to leave such a space open for them to share in their uniqueness and specialness. I think we, as ts women, need to create our own space to celebrate our uniqueness and specialness, which is just as valid as theirs, but separate, and whole.
Recently, there was news of a ts woman who lost her fight against a rape center that was exclusively for and of women-born-women. She fought for the right to work there as a rape crisis counselor. Here, again, I can see the point of the center; there is something special about being a woman-born-woman, and what that insight can bring to another woman in a rape situation perhaps. There are other rape crisis counseling opportunities that are open to ts women; this center wasn't the only one. What I find interesting, however, is that the ts woman was confronted about her past after enrolling; apparently, she was not "passing" -- she was coming across as not female. I think if her demeanor was incongruent, she would not really make a very good rape crisis counselor anyway. Perhaps this affair might be a wake-up call to her to examine her behavior rather than merely calling out "unfair to transsexuals."
It's not that I think everyone has to pass perfectly. I don't -- I think some people read me as a former man, but I do think that even when they read me, they see me as a woman now, and I'm gracious enough to accept that they give me the benefit of the doubt. I think it's a matter of being accepting of people's errors in perception and not smacking them down if they make a mistake, but being gracious about it, and ultimately, connecting with their humanity. I smile when I say "I'm not a boy/man" and it comes out nicely.
But would I have the wherewithall to counsel a woman about rape? I'm not sure I would. I walk about without fear -- a legacy of my male past, I am sure. Yet I am a potential victim as any other woman would be. I may be larger than the average woman, but I'm not necessarily stronger. I don't know any self-defensive moves; I've never taken any martial arts classes. But it may be the way I walk without fear that permits me to move in the world without being a potential victim as well; i.e. I'm not a target because I don't look like a target. This is something to discuss with my cisgendered women friends, I think.
The need for women-born-women to have a place where they can congregate and celebrate their femaleness, separate from men and women-born-men I think is an ok thing. I don't think they need include ts women as a matter of course. There are many things ts women can do to celebrate and validate their womanhood/femaleness as well. There are places where women-born-women do include ts women into their ranks.
I'm still learning about the feminist argument against transsexuals, which I'll attempt to discuss in another post. At this juncture, all I can see is that it is based on some misconceptions about brain development and the experiences of m2f ts's growing up as men.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Does the lady regret?
The NYT recently ran an article "The Lady Regrets" about Dr. Renée Richards, who is touting her new book, “No Way Renée: The Second Half of My Notorious Life.” In the article they seem fixated on pointing out that Dr. Richards seems regretful about her life as a transsexual by this comment:
The NYT goes further with Dr. Richards:
This so-called transsexual regret is not really regret at all, I think, but perhaps a realization that life isn't all roses on the other side of transition. And for that, we have no one to blame but ourselves and our glamourization. Perhaps our care-givers can knock some sense into us before we make any irremediable steps, but the pressure drives us on, anyhow.
“In 1999, you told People—” the reporter begins.Is this really regret though? Is a [edit] pre-op, pre-self-disclosed transsexual a 100% intact man? I think not -- although remaining intact sexually is one thing, one is not intact mentally. I surely was not. I was depressed, morose, suicidal -- hardly things one could call functional. I was as much an imperfect man then as I am an imperfect woman now, except I'm a lot happier as who I am now. Sure, the plumbing doesn't work 100% well, but it is close enough. But more importantly, I am now functioning at a higher level than I was before. I think this holds true for most transsexuals, although I don't know all that many personally.Dr. Richards interrupts.
“—I told People what I was feeling, which I still feel: Better to be an intact man functioning with 100 percent capacity for everything than to be a transsexual woman who is an imperfect woman.”
The NYT goes further with Dr. Richards:
In the same interview, Dr. Richards talked about wishing for something that could have prevented the surgery.
“What I said was if there were a drug, some voodoo, any kind of mind-altering magic remedy to keep the man intact, that would have been preferable, but there wasn’t,” Dr. Richards says. “The pressure to change into a woman was so strong that if I had not been able to do it, I might have been a suicide.”
I can understand what she's saying here, and although it may sound regretful, it sounds more like regret that there isn't a way to reconcile one's life prior to transition in the case of late-transitioning transsexuals (so-called "secondaries") who may have built lives for themselves and have children and so on (as I had done). It was hard to give all that over, and yet, the choice seems to be to transition, to become a woman, or to take my own life, just as it was for Dr. Richards. Is that a choice? Is that regret? There is no magic elixir to "cure" a transsexual, i.e., make the gender dysphoria go away and make them fully happy and functional in the body they are given. If there were, certainly for us so-called secondaries, maybe more of us might choose such an option. Then again, maybe not. I am a product of my upbringing, with a lifetime of thinking about myself the way I do, of living with the gender dysphoria. It has certainly sculpted me. Would such a "cure" make me into a different person? I don't know.
And yet it is all hypothetical because it does not exist. Even the NYT asks the million dollar question and gets the answer back straight from the doctor:So, no regrets, really, not facing the reality of life as it is. I have no regrets for how I went about it. Occasionally, I think to myself "gee, I wish I had transitioned earlier." But then I think about not having my daughters, and that sort of trumps that wish, because the world would be a much dimmer and unhappier place without them.Does she regret having the surgery?
“The answer is no.”
This so-called transsexual regret is not really regret at all, I think, but perhaps a realization that life isn't all roses on the other side of transition. And for that, we have no one to blame but ourselves and our glamourization. Perhaps our care-givers can knock some sense into us before we make any irremediable steps, but the pressure drives us on, anyhow.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
A Beginning
Hi everyone.
I am starting this blog because I feel a need to speak out about Transsexual issues. I am an M2F post-op transsexual woman, am fully assimilated as a woman, live my life as best as I can without my past being much of an issue. And yet, I cannot deny that I have a past, nor can I deny what and who I am. This blog will be anonymous, as I don't want people tracking me down based on what I reveal here; I want to keep my blogspace separate from my real life as much as possible.
I am doing this because there are many things going on in the world affecting transsexuals and that affect me as an individual that I feel the need to write about, and hopefully, through writing, can make a difference in the world. We'll see if I ever get a readership that cares, that thinks, that provokes, that responds.
I will maintain full editorial control over this site and it's contents, including the comments, if there are any. I reserve the right to remove comments I find offensive or inflammatory or spammy, or for any other reason I choose; my space, my rules. If what I write provokes, please comment.
No promises about how often I will write. I'll try to keep up with it, but I won't write for the sake of writing. If I have nothing to say, you won't hear from me.
I am starting this blog because I feel a need to speak out about Transsexual issues. I am an M2F post-op transsexual woman, am fully assimilated as a woman, live my life as best as I can without my past being much of an issue. And yet, I cannot deny that I have a past, nor can I deny what and who I am. This blog will be anonymous, as I don't want people tracking me down based on what I reveal here; I want to keep my blogspace separate from my real life as much as possible.
I am doing this because there are many things going on in the world affecting transsexuals and that affect me as an individual that I feel the need to write about, and hopefully, through writing, can make a difference in the world. We'll see if I ever get a readership that cares, that thinks, that provokes, that responds.
I will maintain full editorial control over this site and it's contents, including the comments, if there are any. I reserve the right to remove comments I find offensive or inflammatory or spammy, or for any other reason I choose; my space, my rules. If what I write provokes, please comment.
No promises about how often I will write. I'll try to keep up with it, but I won't write for the sake of writing. If I have nothing to say, you won't hear from me.
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