Day of Rememberance

Today is the Transgender Day of Rememberance.

Today we look back and remember all those who have been killed or have died simply because they were gender variant, or didn't fit into society's rigid definitions of what gender they should have been.

Gender is truly a fluid, continuous plain of expression and reality. One can find themselves anywhere on that plain. Gender is not fixed. One can find oneself moving about on that plain. But society decrees there be only two genders, Male and Female.

I live my life mostly around the female node, but with a fair helping of androgyny as well. I'm not the super-feminine type of transgender person you see. I never wear dresses, rarely wear make-up, etc. Most of the time I'm in a t-shirt and leggings. I get "sir"d infrequently, but it's usually by people who don't really look at me and just take me in in a glance. This doesn't bother me. When they actually see me, they correct themselves. but 90% of the time, I'm seen as female. This also doesn't bother me. In about 0.01% of cases do people recognize me as trans. This also doesn't bother me, and it serves as a springboard for education and sharing. So far, my experience with being out to people has all been good.

This, however, is an anomaly. It is because I have chosen to inhabit trans-friendly areas and keep to trans-friendly spaces and generally surround myself with people who are evolved and high-minded.

I still remember a time when I was visiting Ala(forking)bama, and was clocked by a cop in a Burger King. I was waiting outside for my friend to come pick me up and he came out and rousted me. He was concerned because I was "hanging out near a playground" -- the old canard about trans people being paedophiliacs. He had trouble getting my license processed because the records were still on hold at the California DMV (this was just after I had changed my name with them). I gave him my social, and he ran that and finally was satisfied that I had no jacket and eventually stopped harassing me.

I consider myself one of the very lucky few transgender people who has successfully transitioned without a lot of problems, stress, or loss. I'm gainfully employed in my chosen profession, still have loving relationships with family, have established new friendships, have had relationships, and generally been navigating my way through life.

So today is about the people who didn't make it. Gwen Araujo. Ruby. Countless others who've been unable to deal with their gender dysphoria and committed suicide. Remember them. They were your sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends, colleagues, peers.

Please, light a candle today for them.