Saturday, March 10, 2007

Stop all the Bullshite

Kimberly posts on her blog to Stop all the Bullshite: asking the trans community to support each other.

Things rings true for me, in a lot of ways. I think a lot of us are on our own, we don't support each other, either financially or socially. I think a lot of us are go-it-aloners. I know I am. I find it difficult to keep hearing the same stories from people that bring up my own history of pain and misery. I find it hard to see people struggling and not taking advice from others who have been down the road because each of us must find our own way.

I am scared I may end up like Kimberly, poor, bitter, alone, without support. Employment means everything, it means survival. Yet employment is the number one barrier for transsexuals post-transition. Even with protective laws in place, it is hard to get by the interview. Bias is often hidden from the interviewer's own process.

I used to facilitate a support group at the local LGBT center for Trans Women. I think I did an excellent job of running the group, making it inclusive of all trans people, all perspectives were welcomed, all experiences were valid and shared, people were invited to ask questions, it was a safe space to be new in. But I eventually had to give it up, as it was so draining emotionally for me.

Yet I need to have a place where I can get support. As a facilitator, I am separate from the group to a large extent; I am watching the process of the group, they are embroiled in the content. Where do I share my content? How do I explain my fears about being outed or clocked by someone? Where do I share my desires for a relationship? Where do I find people who understand what it means to be trans? I need my own support group. Maybe I should go back and just be a regular member, though that will be hard.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, so perhaps the issue is that you consider yourself transsexual, instead of say either male or female. There are many in the community that endevor unfairly to apply the term transsexual to post operative men an women, many who have even confromed their birth records to the correct gender. So what is that all about?
Seems you might of suffered burnout because you we're not true to yourself.... only you can know for sure, but for others in the community to say they're transsexuals after correction and than say that is what should happen for all gender corrected men and women, show bigotry of the Transsexual community in not allowing its own to define for themselves who and what they are.
You can't be everything to everyone, that is rule one, Rule two others will gldly take advantage of you if you try to be.
JaneX

Wolfgang said...

Janex wrote: "There are many in the community that endevor unfairly to apply the term transsexual to post operative men an women,..."

This is one of the barriers to helping non-trans people better understand us; we're all labeling ourselves differntly, which creates all manner of confusion.

I understand the desire of post-ops to drop the "trans" and call themselves men and women. But in doing so, they also isolate themselves from the rest of our community: pre-ops, young transsexuals, mid-transitioners, etc. From a socio=political standpoint, this divides us and weakens our community.

Regardless of where our transitions begin and end, we all started out in life with bodies that didn't match our brains. This sets us apart from cisgendered people and presents us with a lifetime of challenges, and opportunities, that cisgendered people miss out on. Our lives follow a different trajectory then theirs. Pre or post-op or in transition with hormones, we are all trans.

I'm all for self-definition, but without a certain amount of uniformity, communication breaks down and society fragments. In our particular case, how can we have a voice, how can we share our unique experiences with the world, if we don't have a name to call ourselves?

Wolf (mid-transition transman)